When I talk about my journey in my blog, it’s usually after I’ve found a solution to whatever problem I was going through. This time around, I’m living it; I haven’t found a solution yet. My friend asked me, “why do you have to have a solution before you post? Isn’t that the point of it being YOUR journey?” She’s right. So here I am.
I’m not perfect. I have many many flaws and I never portrayed my life to be this amazing adventure without any obstacles. So there’s that. The one flaw I’ve been battling with the most, lately, is the fact that I have turned into a person who lets other people’s feelings about me, take over. I have to tell you, it sucks.
It’s something I’m struggling with at work and in my personal life. I think I just want to make sure everyone else around me is pleased, so much that I’ve become the one who isn’t happy. I’m living my life for others and not myself. I’m letting others feelings dictate the way I feel about myself simply because I don’t want others to look at me like I’m a bad person or seem too annoying. Ive honestly been dealing with this since college and then it got better. But now, we’re back here again.
But, today’s realization came with understanding that I can only control what I do and think and not what others think about me. Just because this is what they think, doesn’t mean that’s my reality. But it’s a way of thinking and it has to change; only I can change that. And although my blog was intentionally meant to help others going through the same as me, it is also my outlet for me as I’m growing through life.
So as far as solutions, I have none right now. But a start for me is more self care. Figuring out who I am and what makes me happy. My friend has suggested a prayer jar, as well as, a self-care jar. The prayer jar is basically where you sit a jar filled with little scriptures or prayers somewhere in your home (preferably where you pass everyday) and take one. This way you can’t forget to talk to God daily. The self-care jar is a similar tool, except, it will be filled with things to do that make you happy. The catch is, you have to do these things in whatever timeline you choose. Make them smaller things, at first, so that you don’t overwhelm yourself. Then, do them.
If you’re going through this, I hope it helps you too. Share your journey with me.